Tag: schizophrenia

Thoughts as I Approach Fifty

Ben PrestonLeave a comment

In 2003 I was signed off work for two weeks with anxiety/depression. I haven’t worked since then. It’s now the tail end of 2026 and I’m at the tail end of my forties. 

I didn’t fit in as a corporate drone. I didn’t fit into the academic system. I didn’t fit in as what’s called a mental health “service user” and still don’t. I split opinion among psychiatrists (who didn’t know how to categorize me) and psychologists (who either wondered why I didn’t just get on with my life or were too frightened to disagree with medical opinion). I’m in receipt of government benefits and a kind of drifting existence outside of mainstream society. I’ve confused many people, not least of all myself. You can read my writings here and make of me what you will. 

I hold absurd beliefs; out of contact with reality. I believe that the opinion of a consultant psychiatrist is not the word of God. I believe that more is wrong with the fundamentally corrupt society we live in than with the people rejected by it. I believe that I am at least as rational as the average person and my perception of my past is as sound as anyone’s. I believe that the psychiatric system can damage people. 

Shockingly, I’ve heard similar sentiments in other places. You might understand how friends of mine might be ignorant of the way things work in this life. I’ve even heard my thoughts echoed by great writers, philosophers and even mental health professionals. 

To be continued…  

Mental Health Thoughts, part one

Ben Preston2 Comments 
My name is Ben Preston. I have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia by Dr Farah Anwar, a consultant psychiatrist. I have had this diagnosis since 2009. 

I have been dogged with mental health problems for most of my adult life. I have always understood my problem as depression. I dislike the idea that I suffer from psychotic illness with its warping of reality and its distortions of sense and reason. I believe it has nothing to do with the life I live and the person I am. I believe that it is harmful as a diagnostic category when applied to me. 

I have been admitted to psychiatric wards six times, I was once sectioned under the mental health act. If you added up all the time I have spent on wards it would probably come to about two years. I take an antidepressant orally and an antipsychotic administered by injection. I have taken these two medications (Citalopram and Risperidone) continuously for many years. 

I was admitted to a mental hospital for the first time in 2005 at the age of 28. My last admission was in 2018. I am now 48 years old. I live alone in a council flat in North London. I receive government benefits as I am classed as a disabled person due to my mental problems. 

In 2003 I was signed off work for two weeks with depression/anxiety. I have not worked since then, although I am trying to cultivate a career as a writer/poet. I have many friends in the area where I live and feel comfortable here up on the ninth floor of a block of flats.  

There are many different understandings of my illness among psychiatrists and psychologists. Although I have never read my medical notes I know they are full of contradictions and factual mistakes – almost as if the product of a disordered mind.